How to Praise Your Kids - Growth vs. Fixed Praise

Have you ever wondered why your child gets stuck or maybe stops trying when something gets difficult? It can be frustrating and almost personal when you know your child has so much more potential then they are showing. You may begin to look to blame your child’s school, teacher, or even yourself.

If you have, you are not alone. Studies show that they way you praise your child makes a difference. Think about how much your child craves praise and attention throughout their development. From when they are toddlers, they are already creating a formula in their minds for what people in their life will praise them for.

Most children receive praise that is focused on praising their accomplishments and achievements. Think honor roll, student of the month, gifted and talented, etc. To most this does not look like anything harmful. Isn’t this better than negative criticism?

Of course it is, however when researchers Carol Dweck and team studied kids who only received praise on their accomplishments and achievements, they found those same kids focused on social acceptance and judgment. In other words, it was more important for that child to look good or smart, than to risk failure or mistake by challenging themselves. They kids were less likely to embrace challenge.

Is this the way you would want your kids to approach difficulty in the ever-challenging atmosphere of school and life? Would we want them to shy away from problems because of difficulty?

So what is the other way to praise your child to promote growth and development? What is the praise style that was uncovered by Carol Dweck and her team? I go in depth in the video, however the way to praise children and anybody else for that matter is to recognize the effort, strategy, approach, process of any behavior. Instead of telling them they did a great job, praise the effort they put into the project. Praise how they stuck with the work and made progress.

This subtle shift in the way we praise children has been validated many times over to increase motivation and endurance in the face of difficulty. Children with this type of growth praise continue to work harder and grow beyond their circumstances compared to fixed praise children.